Where is my mind? It’s not here at work where it’s supposed to be. It’s off chasing rainbows, dreams of a life that, to me, seems a million miles away.
I have been fortunate enough to have participated in two fantastically amazing online soul-restoration workshops, thanks to the wonderful Brave Girls Club. For me it was all about reconnecting with me, the ‘me’ that I lost many, many, years ago. What I discovered was how much I love taking care of my family, my wonderful husband and my beautiful and talented daughter. It’s funny you know, for years I had fought against exactly that, but now I realize how much I miss it
So what am I dreaming about, I dream of one day giving up working in an office, staying home taking care of my family and my home, creating and selling art and helping to bring joy to others. But here in New Zealand, unless you’re one of the fortunate ones, that isn’t a possibility. The question that rises in my mind now is “should we be looking at moving to another country?”
Another dream I have is about food – I love food, I love to eat, I love to taste the flavors and feel the textures on my tongue. There is only one problem; I hate what it has done to my body, the end result of my love affair with food. If only I had more time to be able to work out how I can have the best of both worlds – the food I love and a body to be proud of. Don’t get me wrong, don’t judge what I am saying, I am not interested in having an Elle McPherson body, I just want one that is healthy, fit, strong and supple. Skinny is for all those poor models who, in my eyes, need to have a really good feed.
Two great friends have both said the following to me; “if you were in tune with the costs, you would change in a heart beat”. Why am I not in tune! Why do I continue to come up with excuse after excuse as to why I don’t change what is not good for me, I have the power to do that, and only I can do that for myself – why am I fighting what I really want!? Do I not love myself enough to allow myself to be happy!? Why do I continue to give the power over to other people and to the excuses? All I can hear is my mothers voice telling me that I live in la-la land, that my dreams are not real and never will be real, it’s all just a fantasy that I have made up in my head, that the reality of it all is that I have to keep doing what I am doing because that’s all that’s available to me.
Am I practicing what I learnt, no! Am I listening to my truth teller, no! Am I being true to myself, NO!!! Maybe I should re-visit those classes, it is obvious to me that I have let moon people back into my soul house and they are having a wild party in there, destroying all that I have built/repaired, while I sit there watching, wrapped up in the straight jacket that I have put on myself.
Ok so here is my message to myself, received from the Brave Girls Clubs' “a little birdie told me…”
Dear Lovely Girl,
It is so important to listen to the right voices. Many times, we must tune out almost every voice around us to be able to focus on what is true for our own lives.
Please don't give any heed at all to the useless opinions of others, beautiful friend. Act for yourself. Face your own truths...then act on your own truths.
Turn off the confusing lies, tune them out...plug your ears when there are annoying, loud, negative voices that have no business giving you opinions about your own life.
You know SO much more than you think you know. Your inner compass will guide you. Those feelings in your gut are your deepest wisdom. Be brave and tune out all of the voices, except the voices that are speaking your truth.
You are courageous and amazing....and oh so loved.
